...

Please take me back

I'm at a loss of words sometimes,

Like how absolutely stuck you feel when your at a point of life where nothing seems like it's going to go right.

Bleeding in the water, pain and scabs all littering your hand, as the endless abyss draws closer to your feeble form,

Just how much has your mind really expanded ever since you were youthful? Maybe a bit more sensitive?

How much have you really lost touch with the one before, and the amount of times you've wanted to peel everything off, and leave it bare, for everyone to see.

Tears, blood and sweat, all are a common part of being a living breathing being, but how much of that is really you? And not someone else's?

As the darkness at the end of the tunnel calls to you, you wonder how much of said darkness was the starting point of every single comeuppance that has happened along the way.

Burns, starvation, imagery, isolation, did you deserve all of it? What did it all mean in the end? What was the point of any of it, if there is a higher force above controlling everything.

What does it really all lead to? What does it mean?

As the cold water seeps into your clothes and skin, you feel as though, as much as you have gotten so far, was there even a point to get here in the first place?

I wonder that every single day, if there was even a point of realizing everything and understanding myself better, if it all lead to me being more miserable and aware, what could that even be?

I wonder, what is really is, in the grand scheme of things,

I really do wonder.

As I look into the mirror and see the version of myself standing before me, I realize there's not really anything I see, but rather a blur, there's no one there, I don't feel like myself.

What happened to me?

-Murr